I can't believe it.
What have I done?
I went to the clinic the other day, for my second scan. They - they couldn't hear anything... They say the baby - MY baby - she's.. gone?
It's these! Drugs! *Throws them to the floor*
Should I be ashamed? Should I be angry with myself for wanting to pick those up and smoke them, right now? After everything?
I always dreamed of being a mum, a good one, who'd give her life for her kids. It was a shock at first, of course it was... I'm 16. Mum and Dad were horrified... kicked me out.
Obviously I never told anyone. God knows what Shauna would say. Ha...
How did this happen?
It was supposed perfect; me, Kyle and the baby! We'd struggle because of my age, and - and we haven't got much money but...we'd pull through.
*Holds tummy*
I'm sorry Hope. That's what I'd call you: Hope. Because somehow I know you'll always be the one to bring me hope...
But I've failed you.
Haven't I?
What am I doing?
You can't hear me! You're never going to hear me, because you're not there!
You're gone! And it's my fault!
I've - I've killed you!
How am I ever going to tell Kyle?
*Drinks the last of the bottle, smashes it and picks up a bottle-green shard, slicing it through the skin of the wrist, in floods of overwhelming tears.*
_______________________________________
Hello! Post number three and counting! Wow. This is really depressing. This is the monologue I wrote in drama for my character to read. I play Rose, who's pregnant to a boy named Kyle - her boyfriend who's 17. She's 16. She gets bullied by Kyle's best friend Shauna. She tries time and time again to make up with Shauna and eventually gives up with life, turning to drugs she'd previously avoided despite peer pressure. The drugs consequently kill poor little Hope, her baby. When Kyle finds out he kills himself, feeling responsible for peer pressuring Rose and killing Baby Hope. Shauna blames Rose completely and confronts her for killing both Kyle and Hope. Rose and Shauna fight, both blaming the other for the deaths. Shauna has a lot to consider, and it's hard with her best friend gone.
That's a brief of the play. If requested, I will write it as a story with much more detail. THANK YOU FOR READING, MUCH LOVE <3
Sunday, 15 January 2012
Monday, 9 January 2012
You don't have to see, to know someone is beautiful.
Angie splashed around the bubbles in her great, white bath tub.
'Careful, Angela' Faye, her mother muttered. Angie continued to splash the water, watching in awe as the bubbles swirled around. Splash, splash, splash. SPLASH.
'Oh no,' Angie whispered in a tiny face, looking at the floor, now sodden. Faye sighed and reached out for her towel which she swore she left on the back of the door. She felt around the smooth, painted panels on the door. She stepped in the water and shook her feat angrily. Her fingers slipped over a shiny, brass hook. The towel wasn't on the back of the door. She sighed once more.
'It's - it's on the sink hoop, Mummy...' Angie said very quietly.
'Thank you, darling,' Faye walked carefully, trying to to remember how many steps away the puddle was, skillfully avoiding it. She grabbed the towel, feeling the soft fibers brushing her finger tips. She got to her knees, now surely aware of where the water lay. She scrubbed the floor up, the towel absorbing all of the mess.
'You missed a bit, Mummy,' Angie leaned over the bath side and held her mother's hand gently, pushing her, and the towel over to a bit of extra splash Faye didn't know about.
'Thank you, Angie Angel.' Angie giggled, Faye put the towel back smiling. 'But please don't do that again,' she added, a little more sternly. There was a moment where Angie was just playing with her floating ducks and the little turtle that swam when you turn the dial that ticked in a funny sort of way as it turned, while Faye was cleaning the bathroom slowly, careful to keep harmful cleaning fluids out of the way in case she forgot they were there and they spilled, because if they spilled too much and she didn't realise they were still there, they could hurt poor little Angie, or baby Eve on a crawling expedition.
'Mummy?' Angie began in a very small, cautious voice.
'Yes, dear?'
'Do you...'
'Mhm?'
'Do you... know what I - what I,' Angie took a gulp, her angelic watery blue eyes bulging, 'do you know what I look like?' she squeezed her eyes tight shut, though there was no way of Faye knowing of Angie little tears rolling down unless she had been told.
'Of course I do, baby,' Faye said, unsure.
'But mum.. you-'
'I know I can't see you,' Faye snapped.
Angie huddle up into herself, pulling all the bubbles in and concealing herself as much as possible.
'I'm sorry, baby. I know I can't see you.'
'What do I look like to you, mummy?'
'You're beautiful.' Faye said, with utmost definition.
'Mummy, how do you know that?' Angie took the small mirror from in front of the sink and stared, unimpressed at her pretty face. She poked the baby-fat cheeks that made her look so cute, and tried to make her eyes look big like the Disney princesses she doted upon. She sighed and placed the mirror down, sadly. Another tear fell as she pushed out her image from her mind.
'I just do baby, I remember, and anyway, I don't need to see you to know you're drop dead gorgeous' she added smiling. Little Angie smiled and flicked her dripping hair. Maybe she was beautiful after all. But then a thought occurred to her;
'What do you mean? You need to be able to see me to know if I'm beautiful' she frowned, 'I just don't know what you mean mummy.'
Faye rubbed her sightless eyes trying to push horrible memories out of her scarred mind, and smiled.
'You're so beautiful, darling. You're kind, loyal, considerate and thoughtful, you're everything a good person should be. If everyone was like you, baby, this would be a perfect world and I want you to know I am so proud of you.' Angie beamed. 'Oh, and no matter what them mean girls say, just because I can't see, doesn't mean I don't see through them. I know what they say, and as long and you smile and laugh them off, and tell them you're proud I'm okay with them saying any of it. I've heard you, and you make me happy to be alive, darling. It's a lot for you to understand. I will explain when you're old enough, but for now just know that yes, I think you are very, very beautiful.' Angie smiled, took her mothers and and squeezed it. She knew the meaning of what it truly was to be beautiful, and this was a lesson she carried with her for the rest of her life. A story she'd tell her own children and grandchildren and asked only for them to pass it on.
Faye never told Angela that day was the day she changed her mind. Faye had had enough of the constant feeling of being stared at, and frustration of not knowing. She liked sleeping, because she dreamed, she saw. Things she remembered from when she wasn't blind, and she loved the colors and people she used to see. She was ready to die, in fact that, and sleep forever, dreaming. But it was the words Angie had said that day that saved her, because how could she leave her daughters? How could she leave Eve and Angie, her beautiful Angie?
---------------------------------------------------
wooo second post! sorry - day late D: but yeah. from now on, these posts'll be written sunday or monday. I LOVE YOUUU'S HOPE IT'S BEEN GOOOOOD <3<3
'Careful, Angela' Faye, her mother muttered. Angie continued to splash the water, watching in awe as the bubbles swirled around. Splash, splash, splash. SPLASH.
'Oh no,' Angie whispered in a tiny face, looking at the floor, now sodden. Faye sighed and reached out for her towel which she swore she left on the back of the door. She felt around the smooth, painted panels on the door. She stepped in the water and shook her feat angrily. Her fingers slipped over a shiny, brass hook. The towel wasn't on the back of the door. She sighed once more.
'It's - it's on the sink hoop, Mummy...' Angie said very quietly.
'Thank you, darling,' Faye walked carefully, trying to to remember how many steps away the puddle was, skillfully avoiding it. She grabbed the towel, feeling the soft fibers brushing her finger tips. She got to her knees, now surely aware of where the water lay. She scrubbed the floor up, the towel absorbing all of the mess.
'You missed a bit, Mummy,' Angie leaned over the bath side and held her mother's hand gently, pushing her, and the towel over to a bit of extra splash Faye didn't know about.
'Thank you, Angie Angel.' Angie giggled, Faye put the towel back smiling. 'But please don't do that again,' she added, a little more sternly. There was a moment where Angie was just playing with her floating ducks and the little turtle that swam when you turn the dial that ticked in a funny sort of way as it turned, while Faye was cleaning the bathroom slowly, careful to keep harmful cleaning fluids out of the way in case she forgot they were there and they spilled, because if they spilled too much and she didn't realise they were still there, they could hurt poor little Angie, or baby Eve on a crawling expedition.
'Mummy?' Angie began in a very small, cautious voice.
'Yes, dear?'
'Do you...'
'Mhm?'
'Do you... know what I - what I,' Angie took a gulp, her angelic watery blue eyes bulging, 'do you know what I look like?' she squeezed her eyes tight shut, though there was no way of Faye knowing of Angie little tears rolling down unless she had been told.
'Of course I do, baby,' Faye said, unsure.
'But mum.. you-'
'I know I can't see you,' Faye snapped.
Angie huddle up into herself, pulling all the bubbles in and concealing herself as much as possible.
'I'm sorry, baby. I know I can't see you.'
'What do I look like to you, mummy?'
'You're beautiful.' Faye said, with utmost definition.
'Mummy, how do you know that?' Angie took the small mirror from in front of the sink and stared, unimpressed at her pretty face. She poked the baby-fat cheeks that made her look so cute, and tried to make her eyes look big like the Disney princesses she doted upon. She sighed and placed the mirror down, sadly. Another tear fell as she pushed out her image from her mind.
'I just do baby, I remember, and anyway, I don't need to see you to know you're drop dead gorgeous' she added smiling. Little Angie smiled and flicked her dripping hair. Maybe she was beautiful after all. But then a thought occurred to her;
'What do you mean? You need to be able to see me to know if I'm beautiful' she frowned, 'I just don't know what you mean mummy.'
Faye rubbed her sightless eyes trying to push horrible memories out of her scarred mind, and smiled.
'You're so beautiful, darling. You're kind, loyal, considerate and thoughtful, you're everything a good person should be. If everyone was like you, baby, this would be a perfect world and I want you to know I am so proud of you.' Angie beamed. 'Oh, and no matter what them mean girls say, just because I can't see, doesn't mean I don't see through them. I know what they say, and as long and you smile and laugh them off, and tell them you're proud I'm okay with them saying any of it. I've heard you, and you make me happy to be alive, darling. It's a lot for you to understand. I will explain when you're old enough, but for now just know that yes, I think you are very, very beautiful.' Angie smiled, took her mothers and and squeezed it. She knew the meaning of what it truly was to be beautiful, and this was a lesson she carried with her for the rest of her life. A story she'd tell her own children and grandchildren and asked only for them to pass it on.
Faye never told Angela that day was the day she changed her mind. Faye had had enough of the constant feeling of being stared at, and frustration of not knowing. She liked sleeping, because she dreamed, she saw. Things she remembered from when she wasn't blind, and she loved the colors and people she used to see. She was ready to die, in fact that, and sleep forever, dreaming. But it was the words Angie had said that day that saved her, because how could she leave her daughters? How could she leave Eve and Angie, her beautiful Angie?
---------------------------------------------------
wooo second post! sorry - day late D: but yeah. from now on, these posts'll be written sunday or monday. I LOVE YOUUU'S HOPE IT'S BEEN GOOOOOD <3<3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)